Shopping Hungry

This morning I am thinking about an admonition I’ve often heard, that I should never go grocery shopping when I’m hungry.  I don’t always heed this warning, although time and experience have taught me that I probably should.  It’s funny what winds up in my cart when I go shopping hungry.  I’d never really thought about it until now, but it’s usually things that begin with the letter “c”—cookies, cake, chips, and candy (chocolate, to be precise).  It’s usually things that are definitely not on my grocery list.  Darn cravings!  When I give in to the power of these tempting treats, I inevitably end up spending more than I’d planned.  And, quite frankly, the extra padding on my hips and thighs gives eloquent testimony to the truth that these sneaky snacks are not my friends.  Well, when I went to the grocery store last weekend, it was just great.  I’d enjoyed a good breakfast, and I was quite full and satisfied.  I stuck to the things on my list, and I ended up spending less than expected.  Reflecting on this, a remarkable parallel comes to mind.  I have made some very poor choices when I’ve gone grocery shopping on an empty stomach.  Likewise, I have made some of my worst decisions in life when my thoughts, actions and interactions were driven by a hunger of the soul.  In such cases, the problem was not what landed in my cart, but what ended up in my heart.  I would go forth each day with the sincere intention to acquire good things—more wisdom, compassion, understanding, faith, and love.  But sometimes when I really looked within, I would find some other things that were not on my “list”—things like fickleness, jealousy, resentment, cynicism, and selfishness.  They didn’t just spring up out of nowhere, either.  Instead, they were a reflection of my very own desperate, impulsive words, thoughts and actions as I attempted to fulfill one kind of void or another within me.  These vices came at a cost that was much greater than I could have known.  And, Lord knows, they packed on some emotional weight I didn’t want or need.  It took some time, some revelation, and some acceptance of truth, but eventually I started to receive understanding.  One of the most important lessons I have learned is to discern between the enduring, God-given desires of my heart and the temporal, deceptive cravings of my soul.  The former nourish and refresh my spirit, manifesting strength, joy, and peace.  The latter produce fleeting pleasure (darn cravings!), but inevitably leave me tired, cold, and empty.  The more I commit myself to pursuing the former, the less of an appetite I have for the latter.  This is so important, because every day, throughout the day, I am faced with choices.  When I choose from a place of spiritual or emotional fulfillment, I am able to make thoughtful, deliberate decisions based on a greater purpose.  However, when I choose from a place of spiritual or emotional hunger, I tend to feel pushed and driven to act in a certain way, based on momentary conditions.  I don’t take this lightly, because I realize how profoundly my choices inform the manifestation of my destiny.  So my prayer today, and every day, is to be filled.  Not with junk, but with the satisfying fruit of His Spirit.  Because today, and every day, I desire to live, love, and give FULL.