An Experienced Smile

This morning I am thinking about the sign I saw while I waited for my cup of coffee at the Dunkin’ Donut drive-thru window.  The sign said, "Looking for Experienced Smiles."  It prompted me to pause and contemplate my own smile.  I know that in one season of my life I had a naive smile.  Fueled by idealism and inexperience, it was a smile from a heart and imagination that believed anything was possible because I really hadn’t tried to do very much yet.  Behind that smile, I pitied those who were sad and scoffed at those who were cynical.  I couldn’t relate to either, and I couldn’t imagine that I ever would.  In another season of life, I had a go-along-to-get-along, fake-it-‘til-you-make it smile.  Fueled by a desire to be polite and pleasing to others, it was a smile from a heart that was guarded and increasingly disillusioned.  I had gradually grown to believe that real happiness and success were ultimately a function of chance, so it didn’t really matter how hard I tried at anything.  The important thing was to portray an image of happiness and success.  Behind that smile, I wondered if anyone could see just how sad and cynical I was on the inside.  But I now find myself in a season in which I think of my smile as an incredible gift that often connects me to others in a powerful way…somewhat like high beams on foggy paths of life where faith is tried and uncertainty looms large.  I am not living out this earthly experience in a bubble of isolation.  Not only can my best achievements and sweetest moments be a blessing to others…so can my worst mistakes and deepest heartaches, if I choose to yield them in faith and trust, understanding that God has a plan.  So, now I have the kind of smile that is void of pity or judgment, but fueled by compassion and understanding. Behind my smile, I’m usually thinking “I wonder what good thing God is going to bring out of this?  I wonder what amazing way He is going to provide in this situation.  I wonder who I’m here to bless today.  I wonder if today is the day I see the answer to my prayers manifested.”  I guess what I have now could be called an experienced smile.  It has endured fear, pain, loss, rejection, disappointment, and loneliness.  And it has not only survived, it has been refined.  It is not a smile of obligation, but a smile of declaration that my God is so faithful and so good!  All that’s left to say to that is “Cheese!”

A Growth Model

This morning I am thinking about the humorous gift a friend gave me.  The most prominent words on the package read: “Grow a Boyfriend:  Just Add Water for the Perfect Man.”  It is some of the words in smaller print that really captured my interest, though.  One example was, “Warning:  Choking Hazard.”  Yikes!  Another example was “Small parts.” LOL!  And then there was “Do not swallow.”  Hmmm.  But the words that stood out to me most were these:  “Take it out of the water to watch it shrink back to its original size.”  This little toy man has certainly caused me to smile today.  And it is making me think about the day when my life will be blessed with a wonderful man to love.  A real, life-sized one.  I know that I will regard him as more than “an educational and fun toy” to be manipulated according to my whims.  I know that I don’t want to ever intentionally do things to diminish him…mentally, emotionally, or spiritually.  On this Valentine’s Day, I am thankful for my grandmothers, my mom, my sisters, and other amazing women who have modeled for me how to grow a man by watering him with love and respect.  Most significantly, they have taught me that the key to growing another is to continually develop oneself.  And this is how I know I will recognize the gift of a man God sends to me…in whatever package he comes.  He will be the one whose heart will speak reciprocally to mine “I am ready.  Let’s grow.”

Supposably

This morning I am thinking about the part of a conversation I overheard in the ladies room recently.  One woman was talking to another about her recent visit to the doctor for an odd ailment that, suffice it to say, gave me yet another reason to be grateful.  But more than her perplexing condition, what caught my attention was when she used the word "supposably."  She was sharing her skepticism about the prescription she had picked up the day before, describing it as something that was “supposably” going to relieve her symptoms.  My inner grammar police wanted desperately to call out from my stall, "The word is not supposably. It’s supposedly!"  But I refrained.  It wasn't the first time I've heard someone say "supposably," and I suspect it won't be the last.  I have surmised that when people use words like that, it has to be based purely on hearsay.  It seems they are simply repeating something they've heard, without having first-had knowledge of the actual word.   So I find myself thinking, “If only she could see that word in print…actually read it.  Perhaps then it would be clear to her what the word truly is.”  But I realize that wouldn’t necessarily make a difference.  Truth is, she could acknowledge the discrepancy and still choose to continue speaking in the way to which she has become accustomed.  In general, I find that people are rather protective of their comfortable habits, no matter how inappropriate they are.  It's funny how this happens in other contexts, too.  Sometimes I hear people speaking about others, uttering hateful and hurtful things that are based purely on hearsay.   Quite often they are simply repeating something they’ve heard, without fully realizing or understanding what they're talking about.  If there’s one thing that especially captures my attention, it’s when I overhear outrageous, ignorant words being spoken in the name of religion...words that condemn and marginalize certain groups of people…words spoken by those who are (supposably) spiritually and morally superior.  Particularly when I hear such misrepresentations of my God and His Word, I want to call out with wisdom and courage from the stall of my Christian complacency, “The Word is not for God so judged the world.  It’s for God so loved the world!"  I want to say, “It sounds like you're speaking based on hearsay, and your message is distorted.  Here, read this and see for yourself."  Will some be offended by this?  Probably.  But, could some grow in knowledge, understanding, and compassion?  Yes, I suppose so.  And that’s what matters. 

50!

This morning I am thinking about the benchmark birthday I recently celebrated.  On February 1^st, I turned 50.  Yep, that’s five decades.  Halfway to one hundred years old.  Like many other significant life events, this milestone prompted me to look back through some of my old journals.  I was both delighted and amused to find one entry from February 8, 1998, just a few days after I turned 34 years old.  The entry was titled “My Big 30.”  I honestly can’t recall what was intended, but it appears to have been a list of things I wanted to do, have, or be.  I was delighted because the list included: “Encourage others,” “Be a promoter of peace,” “Travel,” “Be a godly wife,” and “Write books.”  I was amused because I had only written down nineteen things.  I suspect I probably abandoned the idea of writing down thirty things after obsessing over the question, “What if I leave off something really important?”  So I just left it open.  Now that I’m 50, I don’t think I would be any better at compiling such a list.  I have, however, been reflecting on some of the most significant personal lessons I’ve learned during my first fifty years.  And I’ve had a bit of fun challenging myself to capture fifty of these life lessons, summarizing each in only two words.  Admittedly, I have been waffling about what to include or exclude, but here goes (in no particular order):

Trust God.  Forgive quickly.  Be courageous.  Tip liberally.  Receive love.  Treasure family.  Be kind.  Show mercy.  Ask questions.  Pursue wisdom.  Dance freely.  Sing aloud.  Dream big.  Acknowledge mistakes.  Apologize first.  Embrace truth.  Acquire knowledge.  Take walks.  Take naps.  Music heals.  Integrity matters.  Release bitterness.  Give thanks.  Get rest.  Appreciate beauty.  Laugh heartily.  Grandkids rock!  Smile often.  Cultivate compassion.  Cry sometimes.  Kiss passionately.  Cease judging.  Shun negativity.  Stargaze periodically.  Love unreservedly.  Value friendships.  Reject fear.  Keep learning.  Choose peace.  Celebrate successes.  Try again.  Listen more.  Savor hugs.  Wait patiently.  Maintain hope.  Storms pass.  Love remains.  Pray always.  Have fun.  Have faith.

It occurs to me that, while internalizing and applying these lessons, I can realize those things on my Big 30 list…all nineteen of them.  J  For one thing, I can clearly see how each of these lessons could become a chapter in one of those books that I haven’t written yet!  (I just love it when things seem to work out that way.)  While I have mastered some of these lessons, I need to have ongoing remediation for others.  All in all, they have shaped the woman I am today.  I look forward to living out these lessons, while remaining open to learning others, for the next fifty years.