Grace To Go On

This morning I am thinking about my sister.  I sat with her in a cold hospital room while she held her husband’s hand and laid her head on his chest, knowing it would be for the last time.  I wondered if she was as annoyed as I was by the machines blinking, beeping, hissing, and stirring up memories and emotions all too familiar…all too recent…all too painful.  I watched her periodically glance at the one machine that was unmercifully broadcasting his vital signs, as they rapidly and consistently declined.  I observed in silence as she kissed him, rubbed his head, sang to him, and spoke to him in tender whispers, saying “goodbye.”  And, in a moment of profound peacefulness, I became witness to “until death do us part.”  Today I’m praying hard for her strength and comfort.  I’m praying that right now she is sleeping soundly in the other room.  I’m praying that when she awakens, she will be encompassed in the peace of God that passes understanding and the love of God that is absolutely unfailing.  I’m praying that she will be just fine as God gives her grace to go on.

Squeals of Delight

This morning I am thinking about the new behavior my four month old grandson, Princeton, exhibited when he spent the night last Friday.  I can best describe it as “squealing with delight.”  He had already started giving me a great big smile whenever he saw me, but on Friday he took his joy and excitement to a whole new level.  We had just finished our story time, and we were having one of our “talks,” when he started.  His little face lit up with a precious toothless grin, his arms and legs started to flail, and from his lungs escaped a shrill, “Eeeee!”  Both of my dogs, being startled from sleep by the unexpected sound, fled the room.  The dogs’ reaction made me chuckle and this, in turn, seemed to tickle Princeton all the more.  He gazed at me, grinning, and squealing emphatically, “Eeeee!”  I pulled my grandson close, shut my eyes, and just held him…feeling inexpressible love for him.  In that moment, I would have done anything in my power to keep him happy that way.  I believe this is how it is when I delight in the presence of my Father.  When I meditate on His goodness, mercy, and grace toward me I can’t help but break into a smile.  Then praise, thanksgiving, and adoration begin to pour out from the depths of my heart.  Sometimes it can be loud, and sometimes it startles (and perhaps annoys) those who may be nearby.  However, the reactions and opinions of others really don’t matter when my focus is on the One in Whom I delight.  And as I rejoice in Him, I can feel the indescribable embrace of His favor.  In those moments, I know that there is no good thing that He would withhold from me.  Right now, all I want to say to that is, “Eeeee!”

Growing Pains

This morning I am thinking about the day my grandmother told me I couldn’t go outside the house topless any more.  I was about five years old, and I was having fun in the back yard with my brothers, who were all shirtless as well on that summer day.  My grandmother, who often watched us children play from her window upstairs, called me to come inside.  She sat me down and explained how I was “not just like little boys” and how I was going to be changing and growing.  She told me that I’d need to put a shirt on before going back outside to play.  I was devastated!  I must have spent at least a couple of days looking at my brothers’ chests and thinking, “I don’t see any difference.”  At the time, there really was not a difference, and I wondered why I was being singled out.  It seemed so unfair.  As I began to mature, however, it all made better sense to me.  Lately, I find that the Holy Spirit has been dealing with me like my grandmother did on that memorable day.  He has been calling me in and calling me out.  He is opening my eyes to immature ways of thinking, speaking, reacting, and interacting…patterns of behavior that I’d taken for granted for a long time.  He is showing me that it’s time for me to stop “going outside” without being clothed in His wisdom, grace, truth, and love, even if others around me are spiritually shirtless.  He is teaching me that I was not created and ordained me to be just like everybody else.  Rather, I am changing and growing into the fullness of my own unique and wonderful purpose.  For these growing pains, I am grateful.         

Let Me Explain

This morning I am thinking about an account I recently heard of a little girl who was walking on her parents’ waterbed with her shoes on.  Upon entering the bedroom and seeing what was happening, the girl’s mother asked sharply, “What are you doing?”  The little girl’s reply was, “I’m walking on the water like Jesus.”  Instantly, the mother’s reaction went from anger to the tender compassion that comes with understanding.  In a way, I think I’m a lot like that little girl.  To those looking on, some of my actions may look quite foolish…even reckless.  I know that my decisions and deeds are sometimes judged harshly by those who may remain silent on the matter in my presence, but who are openly critical in my absence.  But, oh how I wish they would just ask me, “What are you doing?”  How I wish they would just let me explain.  I would let them know that, in spite of how crazy or ridiculous it may look, I’m just trying to be like Jesus.  So, yes, I will continue to give to people who have no means (or desire) to ever repay me in any way.  Yes, I will continue to work hard and share ideas with people who will take all the credit.  I will continue to embrace love, laughter, and hope as I believe God for good in my life.  Perhaps this would provide some helpful insight.  But, even if others don’t “get me,” I take courage from knowing that my Father understands.         

Care To Make It Interesting?

I am thinking about something wonderful I experienced just yesterday.  On my way to do a school visit, I felt a strong leading to take a specific amount of money from my wallet and place it into one of the pouches of my purse.  So I did.  I really wasn’t mindful of the cash throughout the course of a great conversation with the principal and his leadership team, but I would soon find out its purpose.  As I was walking through the school’s office to leave, I saw a young family of five waiting to speak to the principal.  The mother was holding one of two twin baby boys in her arms.  The father was standing next to a stroller, in which the other twin was sitting.  Their third child, a girl who appeared to be around thirteen years old, stood between both parents with her arms folded.  I noticed that she was crying.  As anyone who knows me is aware, when I see babies I feel compelled to hold, touch, kiss, or interact with them in some way.  So, although I could sense that there was definitely some tension among the mom, dad, and daughter…and I had the feeling they were not at the school for a happy reason…I went right up and greeted them anyway.  Mom introduced herself.  The daughter wiped her eyes and tried to muster a polite smile.  Dad initially just looked at me, almost defensively.  After I started talking to the babies and commenting on how beautiful they were, he finally spoke up.  He asked, “Well, do you have some Pamper money for them?”  Without missing a beat, I said, “As a matter of fact, I do.”  And I reached in my purse and handed Mom the money I had felt led to set aside.  I do not exaggerate when I say that I was probably as surprised and excited as they were!  It was a moment that I can best describe as mutual delight and wonder.  I realize that could have been just another routine school visit, like so many others.  But yesterday I was reminded that I have a choice.  I can choose to be lulled into a state of apathy and complacency by always walking only to the beat of the routine and mundane.  Or I can choose to open myself to God’s leading where He awakens my consciousness to limitless, glorious “surprises” that manifest His loving favor and grace.  I could choose to settle for just the ordinary.  But I hear an irresistible alternative speaking deep within my soul:  “Miracles can happen, if you care to make it interesting.” 

Moving Forward

This morning I am thinking about the limousine ride to my brother's Homegoing Celebration. Since I was the first one in, I had a seat with my back to the driver. This gave me the powerful and timely perspective of looking backward while moving forward. As we passed three different streets, I saw the same sign: "Humps Ahead." It occurred to me that these "humps" had actually already been passed! My position (facing backward) was passive, but my direction (moving forward) was active. I understand that life circumstances will sometimes place me in the backward-facing position of reflecting, remembering, and reminiscing. At such times, the "signs" I see, whether ominous or favorable, might confuse me and make me want to stop or reverse direction. At such times, I pray to learn the lessons that are revealed from my temporary position and trust the Driver to continually guide me in the direction of my destined purpose. #movingforward

Original post date:  July 12, 2012

A Time to Fight

This morning, I am thinking about the time I had a fight with the bus driver on the way to school. He was a big bully of a man who seemed to take pleasure in his power to intimidate, often threatening to use his belt on terrified riders. I was only about 8 or 9, but that day it didn't matter. He was threatening MY little brother, and I wasn't going to have it. He had pulled the bus over and was walking down the aisle, but I jumped out of my seat to block his path. He barked at me to get out of his way. I didn't comply. When he reached out to move me, it was on! I latched on to his shirt with one hand and took a swing with the other. He shook me loose, retreated to his seat, and drove the
bus-load of cheering children to my mother's job where he recounted my act of defiance and showed her the scratch I had left on the side of his face. I was so afraid that I would be in big trouble with my father, but I wasn't...he was actually proud of me. Reflecting on that day, I gain insight into my calling to fight to defend disadvantaged students (my little brothers and sisters) against the educational inequities that threaten their future. I may not be using my fists, but I am latching on and swinging in other ways. Sometimes I've been that afraid I might get in trouble, but today I feel my Father saying, "I'm proud of you."

Original post date:  July 17, 2012