Free...To Be Me

This morning I am thinking about the time I cried at the circus.  I was not a child when this occurred.  Quite the contrary.  I was an adult, a mother, and an educator who had been asked to accompany a class of Kindergartners for a wonderful learning experience...and to be a chaperone.  I chatted excitedly with the little group of students that had been assigned to me, as we settled into our seats.  The show began with dramatic and captivating sights and sounds, just as I’d anticipated.  Something happened later, however, that I definitely had not anticipated.  I felt tears welling up in my eyes, and I found myself being comforted by 5-year-olds on either side of me.  They must have seen my facial expression go suddenly from happy to horrified.  They held my hands, saying, “It’s okay.  Don’t be scared.”  I didn’t try to convince them that I wasn’t scared.  I didn’t try to explain that I wasn’t afraid of the animals, but rather afraid for them.  I felt an overwhelming repulsion to what the animals were doing.  There were tigers jumping through hoops of fire.  There were elephants lining up with their feet on one another’s backs.  And there were horses, dancing, prancing, and running around with people standing on their backs.  I wondered how I could have possibly enjoyed this when I went to the circus as a child.  I remember thinking, “That’s not what they’re supposed to be doing.  That’s not what these animals were made for!”  And it made me cry.  The memory of that field trip came back to me today, as I reflected on the ongoing process of liberation that is taking place in my life.  I recall the various, cruel ringmasters to which I have been subject over the years—Fear and Recklessness, Anxiety and Apathy, Cynicism and Gullibility, just to name a few.  It’s almost as if they passed me around, so that each one could take a turn training me to be someone I was never created to be.  They certainly made me jump through hoops, and frankly, it makes me cringe to remember the dancing, prancing, and running around I’ve done.  I can’t say I understand why, but I do know that one day Love paid a price for me to be released from the bondage of those old ringmasters.  To be honest, I can still sometimes hear them calling out orders to me, but their voices are growing increasingly faint.  There is another Voice to which my ears are inclined.  It is One that tells me I am made to live in the power, beauty, and grace that are inherent to walking in my true purpose.  With gratitude, I daily embrace this gift of being free…of becoming me.