Missing Andy

This morning I am thinking about how much I miss my big brother, Andy.  I’m trying to come to terms with the fact that I seem to have somehow lost a treasured picture he gave me…the one on which he had written the words:  “My dear little sister, God has not left your destiny to chance.  Believe His promises.  Love, big brother, Andy.”  Since I pretty much carried that picture with me everywhere, it really could be anywhere.  But after searching in all the places I thought it could be, I can find it nowhere.  I’m wondering if losing the picture is a necessary next step in the process of releasing hurt to receive greater healing.  I don’t know.  What I do know is that I miss his calls when he would be laughing so hard that it would take him a while to tell me what had him so tickled.  I miss being someone he trusted.  I miss calling him on the way home from work to tell him about my day.  I miss how he listened and how he’d pray for me.  I miss him teasing me about my future husband and how he imagined my honeymoon would be!  I miss him always encouraging me to keep believing for love.  I miss his joyful singing.  I miss his playfulness and mischief.  I miss his kindness, wisdom, and strength.  I miss his hugs, and I miss his smile.  I miss communing with someone who loved beautiful words and ideas as much as I…someone who also enjoyed questioning, wondering, being surprised, and learning.  I miss the one person who always seemed to know just how and when to give me a break from having to be strong all the time.  I have heard people talk about losing a piece of their heart.  For me, it’s more that the parts of my heart Andy spoke to just really miss hearing his voice.  I’m so thankful that I had memorized the words on the back of that picture.  Likewise, I am thankful for all the wonderful memories of Andy that are written on my heart.  They are a comfort and a blessing on days like this, when I am missing him so.