My New Normal

This morning I am thinking about one thing I normally would have already done, and one thing I normally would be doing, at this time of year.  The thing I normally would have already done is put up my Christmas decorations, right after my Thanksgiving Day nap.  Accompanied by a soundtrack of my favorite holiday songs by Bing Crosby, Ben Tankard, and James Taylor, I would take great delight in transforming the house into a setting that might make even Scrooge break into a grin.  My motivation was always anticipation of the fun and festivities I would experience with family and friends in the upcoming weeks.  And that brings me to the thing I normally would be doing.  I would be talking to my brother, Andy, about our annual family Christmas Eve dinner.  He would have called and asked, “Can we have it at your place?”  The answer was always an enthusiastic, “Yes,” but he would ask anyway.  (He was just thoughtful and unassuming like that.)  This year, I haven’t done any decorating so far.  As for the Christmas Eve dinner, I have been okay with the idea that we just might not do it this time.  I know things will never quite be the same without Andy.  Yet, I can distinctly hear a question resonating from deep within:  “Will you trust Me to do something wonderful and new?”  I realize this question is about much more than holiday decorations and dinner.  It is about my willingness to recognize and fully receive God’s healing, restoration, and revelation of a “new normal” for my life and future.  I sit here with a heart full of sincere gratitude for manifold blessings up until now…blessings that are inextricably tied to memories that mean so much to me.  I find myself in a difficult-to-describe place, between tradition that has been and trust for what is to be.  I recognize that this dichotomy is my own, for God is not segmented in any such way.  His purpose and plan seamlessly encompass and connect my past, present, and future.  I pray to be free from the illusion of “losing” anything when I entrust myself to His leading.  So, I am taking a deep breath as I follow Him into a new beginning.