Swim, Baby, Swim!

This morning I am thinking about part of a conversation I had with my big brother, Andy, before he passed away.  I was relaying to him a curious dream I’d had.  In the first part of the dream, I was at the beach.  Other than the gentle movement of the waves, there was no action at all.  There was just me, standing in water that came about chest high, looking toward the shore.  In the second part of the dream, I saw myself out in the midst of the ocean, treading water.  I looked around, puzzled at how I had drifted so far that I could no longer see the shore.  After all, I hadn’t done anything.  Last I could remember, my feet were firmly touching the ground.  I knew if I didn’t start swimming the back, I would just keep drifting.  And that’s when I woke up.  After listening intently, Andy responded in the fatherly tone he sometimes used when he wanted to either caution me or encourage me.  He said, “Well swim, Baby.  Swim.”  Presently, I am struck by the irony that this dream seems to have come back to me so that I will wake up.  In the quiet and stillness of the morning, I caught a good glimpse of myself in the midst of this ocean called life.   I called to mind a time when I stood so firmly and surely on the things I believe in, no matter how ridiculous they may have seemed.  But today I saw myself in a vulnerable place, as though treading water.  I was puzzled as to how I had drifted so far.   Last thing I knew, my feet were firmly touching the ground.  But, then I began to recollect waves of sorrow and heartbreak.  No, they didn’t take me under, but they moved me.  I also recalled undercurrents of doubt from desires unfulfilled and unjust circumstances that have not changed.  They haven’t knocked me down, but they have moved me.  And I am aware of the swift-moving tide of popular culture that seems increasingly callous, self-centered and vain.  It hasn’t carried me away, but it has moved me.  Subtly, but surely, I have been drifting.  I could try to make excuses or justifications by saying, “But I didn’t do anything!”  And, really, that is the point.  My drifting has been a direct result of my own inaction…those times when I didn’t say or do anything because “I tried before and it didn’t work” or “No one wants to hear that” or “I’m only one person.”  While all those things may be factual, they don’t resonate in my spirit as true.  What’s true is that I still believe in love, kindness, faithfulness, generosity, honesty and trust.  I still believe in mercy, forgiveness, healing, and restoration.  I still believe in good.  I still believe in miracles.  So, today it’s not Andy’s voice I hear, but that of One from within saying, “Swim, Baby.  Swim.”  This exhortation is calling me out of complacency and back to intentional, focused choices that allow me to love, give, care, and trust with all my heart.  It is calling me back to choices that go against the fear-based passivity I have often tried to pawn off as peace.  This will bring me back to the place where I have a clear view of the shore I call Hope, and that is where I am supposed to stand.  There, on the shore of Hope, is where countless blessings have manifested before.  And there is where countless blessings will manifest again and again.  This I know.  Amen.